I don't remember what happened in my life since last time.  Nothing exciting most likely.  So fuck off.  Here's what happened in Secret of Evermore though!

After I killed that big ass snake, some hippy dude gave me a mud pepper.  Apparently I needed this shit so I could use the alchemy skill levitate to move this stupid rock in front of this stupid cave.

 And holy shit, there's all this lava and shit in this cave!  And those stupid pink ass raptor things are here, fuck.

 Eventually, I find some sewer pipes that I need to traverse through, which was a huge pain in the ass.

 And eventually I arrive at this shitty furnace thing with that bitch Fire Eyes chilling there.  But wait a second! That's not Fire Eyes!  You can tell because her eyes are all evil and shit.

 This bitch then sicks her favorite pokemon at me, MAGMAR!!!!! Yep, this big ass dinosaur's name is Magmar.  Technically, this game came out before pokemon, so go fuck yourself game freak!

Fucking Raptor Dicks

So I haven't posted in a while, but I who cares, like one person is reading this right now.  And she hears about my bullshit as it happens.  Over the weekend my friend BJ was being a bitch, which is usual for her unfortunately.  Luckily she stopped being a bitch eventually.  We did drinking games at my friend Pip's place and then Saturday saw Iron Man 3 and the Mayweather fight.  Both kicked ass, even though my friends thought the Mayweather fight was a bit boring.  But people who know the ins and outs of boxing def would have thought the fight kicked ass.  Anywho, onto Secret of Evermore!

I finally beat those fucking pink dick fucks that killed me, and used their bones to make a spear!

So now I'm fucking everyone's day up with my badass spear, but first I have to go up to this volcano where some guy chills and somehow doesn't die.  

He taught me some alchemy bullshit or whatever, I kind of forget, and then I went and fought some hippo frogs, aptly named 'frippos'...

Poor puupy's dead, but she comes back and we go about some swamp thing...

And then all the sudden there's this fuck head!

Did I kill this bastard?  Did I suffer an agonizing death?  Did some bitch have her period all up on my face?  Tune in next week on Dragon Ball Z

Fucking Shit Up

So, my weekend was fairly fun.  Saturday I continued my  Secret of Evermore play through, taking more pics as requested

Afterwards, I continued to devour old fashions and jell-o shots until I eventually went out to a Boston benefit bar thing, fuck yeah Boston, boo assholes who try to blow us up.  That was fun, and then afterwards we went to a diner and I got steak and eggs, one of the manliest of breakfasts.  When asked for drinks, our buddy John demanded milkshakes for everyone, vanilla, without any input from our group.  Ended up being a good choice, so I didn't mind not being consulted for my preference.  Anyway, onto Secret of Evermore!

So after I met this bitch Fire Eyes, she sends me to the bug muck to find some douchey alchemist that decided the best place to find alchemy ingredients was a tarpit full of big ass maggots and zombie dragons and what not.  But first I have to get through some stupid desert with these stupid pink snail things that are annoying as fuck.

Eventually, I made it to the bug muck, filled with these annoying asshats.

I go through and eventually come across these big, scary ass legs...

...and then I go in this things ass.

After going through this ass bug's exoskeleton, I come across my first boss, Asshole Thraxx, the Big Asshole Bug!

He's annoying as shit, and you have to stab his heart with your shitty bone sword.  But then I killed him, woo!

And I get to use his severed hand as an axe!  Way better than my shitty bone sword

and then I freed this douche, who wasn't very appreciative at all

After going back to the town, I found out some volcano up north is getting cold.  This somehow means there's an ice age coming.  But!  If I solve the problem, I might also find a way home! Unfortunately, this asshole viper dicks are at odds with this tribe of turds.  So I go north and this cock comes rolling out like a cock

And then his girly ass pink brethren attack and eventually kill me, at which point I say fuck it and take a break

Tune in next time, pussies

Fuck off

My peach sour patch kids came today, yay!  So did my shaker.  I drank half a bottle of bourbon and caused a fight between my friends.  It was a good night.  Ish.  Anyway, I started Secret of Evermore, here's a picture of my character and his dog.

We live in the 50's apparently, and I love shitty movies.  And my dogs an asshole and chases some cat.  Eventually we get to some super scientists lair and get sent to some prehistoric age bullshit.  And holy shit, my dog became some badass direwolf!  And we fought velociraptors or some shit!

After barely surviving that fight, we go into a prehistoric village where they apparently worship some 8 year old bitch also from the 50's wearing glasses.  They call her Fire Eyes but her real name is Elizabeth.  Both names suck.

Anyway, I'll get back to this later.  Peace out fuck heads.

Blog Ideas

Today I worked and didn't buy anything, but then I made a bowl of Jell-O shots so I can get drunk as fuck tomorrow.  And tomorrow, I'm planning on buying supplies to make some tasty old fashions.  Unfortunately, dumbass fucktarded Massachusetts thinks liquor stores are foreign countries and requires me to bring a fucking passport just to buy alcohol.  My state issued drivers license isn't enough.  Fuck you Massachusetts, you glorified shit hole.  You don't even have happy hour!  What the fuck kind of ass backwards, puritan era bullshit pussy place doesn't allow happy hour!  Cheap food does not negate the lack of cheap beer you cock.  If someone from the tea party ran for governor or something, and had all these retarded plans for the state that I didn't agree with at all, but at the end of his list of dumbass shit he promised to bring happy hours back or he'd kill himself, I would vote for that douchebag in a heart beat!

After thinking for a while, I decided I would blog about me playing video games for a bit, until something else came up.

So today I begin by playing Secret of Evermore, the white people version of the Mana series.  Updates tomorrow!

Virgin Post

Today I ordered two things on Amazon solely so I wouldn't feel bad about having my prime subscription renewed yesterday.  A shaker and peach sour patch kids.  I regret nothing